Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
Some days I’d like to take a chainsaw and cut a few branches off my family tree.
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
Give a kid a Pop Tart and they eat for a day. Teach a kid how to make a Pop Tart and you sleep in all summer
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
"You blew a tranny" means something completely different to an auto mechanic.