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Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
Spoiler alert: I unplugged your fridge.
If you can say "I made six figures last year," you either have a well paying job or you`re the worst employee at a toy factory
Every once in a while I check up on people I hate to make sure I still hate them… I do.
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
When you go in the other room I ask your dog what you look like naked.
After the doctor left the exam room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn`t want to hear. "Who was that?"
I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.
I’m glad MTV has shows like Teen Mom 3 so girls have good role models besides Miley.
Dear Vegetarians, Thanks for saving the good food for us.
Life is short, Smile while you still have teeth.
I`m glad I don`t work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches today.
I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn`t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.