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If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means he can eat anything off the floor if he waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
Someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
I`m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
looong and hard, yep thats my pencil.
Save time. See it my way.
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time...
Alcohol doesn`t get people drunk, people get people drunk. Drunk people get other drunk people extra drunk.
When everything is coming your way, you`re probable in the wrong lane.
When I say "Have a nice day." Remember the f*cker on the end is silent.