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Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.
She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.
You don`t get to complain about life until you move out of your parent`s house.
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
"I didn`t get your text" is the new "my dog ate my homework"
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
I don`t care if its a scam! Just the fact that the Prince of Nigeria sends me personal email makes me feel special!
Some old people are driving vehicles right now and don’t even know it.
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!
I`m posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they`re making ceramic bowls.
Apparently my "Please STFU" face bears a strong resemblance to my "Oh, Please Keep Talking" face.