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If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
Worry: a waste of imagination.
“Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
Note to Denver Broncos: Marijuana is NOT a performance enhancing drug!
Vodka and denial are cheaper than therapy.
Balloons think they’re so cool. I tried to tell one he was leaking and he just said, “Pfft.”
I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn`t be oppressed.
This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
Whatever it is ... I didn´t do it!
How do we know that all the ancient Greek sculptures aren`t just victims of Medusa?
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
Great friends never let you do stupid things......alone