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Occasionally, I like to agree with a man just to watch the look of fear, confusion and nervous-anxiety.
Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
why are the foods you want eat late at night in loud crackling wrappers?
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
Running feels great unless you compare it to not running
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
"Paypal me your lunch money!" -Cyber Bullies
Dating Tip: If she hasn`t kissed you by the third date, she`s there for the food.
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn`t starving!!
Be good ... or I will text Santa
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.