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Ladys have it easy, if they ever do start to loose an argument they can just start playing with their boobs
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
If anyone every texts me “who is this” I always respond “Jake from state farm”
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down. I bet he never tried smashing it over someone`s head.
If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to ten, unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
Is Nudeism a religion?
I`m at my most badass when I`m popping a wheelie with a shopping cart.
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.
It’s not a nap unless your face wakes up in a puddle of your own drool.
I try not to limit my madness to March.
I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it`s Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.
If I’m ever murdered, I have no doubt that my chalk outline would include my phone in my hand.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.