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Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
I`m always tempted to yell "Kevin!" mid-flight.
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
This "NORMAL" you speak of, doesn`t sound fun at all.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
I can`t help but feel important when someone says there`s a special place in hell for people like me.
I got in touch with my musculine side today - laying on the couch all day, eating gross food, playing games...
The statement `Hey! Calm down!` has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down
I think I might be bisexual. Because last night I had sex by myself.
Do the people inside mascot costumes also smile when they have their photos taken?
Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster
Patiently waiting for the Prozac to kick in so I can start my day....Ok, Maybe NOT patiently!
I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.
Being an adult is mostly pretending to like wine and saying "the economy" a lot.