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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
The ultimate home security system is having shitty stuff.
Ha, SUCKA`S! I just smuggled a bag of popcorn into the movie theater. Now I just need to borrow their microwave.
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person`s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house, but that fly is dead.
I`m the perfect man if you don`t factor in looks, depth of character, emotional availability, intelligence or financial well being.
My coworkers are looking at me like they`ve never seen anyone tailgate before work.
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".
They say dolphins are the second smartest animal after humans, but I`ve never seen a dolphin with a face tattoo.
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage