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Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d like to bring a guest.
Allow me to explain myself via a new communication method I like to call "Interpretive Napping"
If I lived in England I would approach my boss on payday and say "pound me."
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
Every job in the world should require their employees to enter and leave work in a Soul Train line.
Sorry I said "Better you than me" when you showed me your baby.
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
There are sick days, paid holidays, and vacation days. What about "Don`t have any gas to make it to work days"
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-
I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.