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I have this great midnight snack it`s called, what do I think my roommate won`t notice if I eat the edges off of
My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats.
I`ll call it a smartphone the day I yell "Where`s my phone?" and it yells "Down here! In the couch cushions!"
The only problem with sarcasm is, it only works on intelligent people.
Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
Is it so much to ask that everyone who ever wronged me be forced to leave the country and change their identity?
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
If you could have one super power would you pick flying, invisibility, or falling asleep without questioning every decision you`ve ever made
Save water- shower with me!
True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.
I feel sorry for people who take everything way too seriously.
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.