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My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
If, in your relationship, you hear "You`re suffocating me", you`re probably not holding down the pillow hard enough.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
Why is it when you go to get your drivers license photo, they tell you to smile. Your not smiling when the police pull you over.
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
I love giving orders. My favorite is "Another one. And make it a double."
Iām not always rude. Sometimes Iām sleeping.
I play hard to get along with.