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Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered...WAS I drunk the whole time?
I’m starting to think plates are called china because most of them look the same.
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 6 cookies.
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
If a worker gets fired & banned from the Lego company, have they been "blocked"?
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
Bored, so I’m going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I’m him from the future.
Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"
According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.
We should be thanking our Dads for bringing us into the world, not our Moms. She probably wasn`t in the mood...