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It’s annoying when Netflix keeps stopping to buffer. Stupid neighbors just won’t upgrade their WiFi.
I`m not mature enough to be in a yoga class.
Yesterday I jokingly asked my wife what she was burning for dinner. Turns out it was all my personal belongings.
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
A Relationship is like poker, if you don`t have a partner you better have a good hand.
Today is opposite day. Wait...if today is opposite day and I say that it is opposite day that means today isn`t opposite day. If it isn`t opposite day then how cAn I say today is opposite dAy? I`m so confused -.-
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
I`m not ignoring your calls, I just love my ringtone.
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium
Something about summertime brings out the beer guzzling Homer Simpson in me.
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.