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The best neighbors are the ones you never see.
Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
Meal prepping is basically eating a week`s worth of leftovers from a meal that never happened.
I’m sad when my food is over.
I`ve been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn`t cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don`t have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you`re better off staying home with no pants on.
I know it`s 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?
“Screw it” – My final thought before making most decisions.
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D