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People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
I gave up my Ego, because I am so much better than that..................
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
Our sex was so good, the neighbors smoked after we finished.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed, it ruled.
Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks.
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
I wish people`s voices actually sounded the way they do when their spouse or partner imitates them during an argument.
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion
One problem with auto-correct is that you always end up posting some thong you didn`t Nintendo.