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If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
It`s never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.
What`s the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller" ?
I`m not trying to brag or anything, but I just got invited to play Candy Crush on FB
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, nudity, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: "None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."
YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!
The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...
Congratulations on becoming a homeowner! From now on, every noise you hear will cost you money.
I bought a little bag of air today, and the company that made it were kind enough to put some potato chips in it.