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You know it`s time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation.
My door is always open. So please feel free to leave.
A snail can sleep for up to 3 years. I didn`t know it was even possible to be this jealous.
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
If you`ve lost your appetite today, I think I have it.
I may not be a veterinarian, but I know a horses a$$ when I meet one.
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
Cats don`t come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can`t put them in the washing machine.
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
My bf just got out of jail. Says life in jail for him was a big pain in the a$$
Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
Baking soda seems like a scam. "Be sure to keep this box of magic white powder in the back of your refrigerator."
I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn’t named Marvin.
I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.