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Netflix is raising rates again? Man, whoever`s password I`m using has got to be pissed!
I`m so hungry I could Instagram a horse.
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
Happy Elastic Waistband Day
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1) I don`t have iPhone. 2) I don`t have a girlfriend.
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners...
9 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, & a Facebook… When I was 9, I felt cool with my new markers.
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
I`ve officially met everyone`s mother yesterday via Facebook so I`m pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch