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If I could be anyone else in the whole world, I would still be me so that I wouldn`t have to buy new clothes.
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
Twerking is just shaking your a$$? Why did we need a new word? A$$-shaking has served us well for centuries.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.
I bought one of the "Books for Dummies" for 50% off, but I needed help to figure out what the price was.
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
I found a spider in my shoes. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
We must STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under!
I didn’t get the job… heading home.. Good Bye Rome.. until we meet again.