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Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.
Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
On the outside, I`m smiling...because on the inside, I`m imagining beating you senseless with Hulk Smash Hands.
Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better.
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
After 6 years, is it still all Bush`s fault or has it been reduced to "Unfortunate circumstances under no one`s control"?..............
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
What am I doing with the rest of my life? I don`t even know what I`m doing with the rest of this post...
If you never jumped from sofa to sofa as a kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.