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I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.
People say "Happy Thanksgiving" which is nice, but then they ruin it by saying "Don`t eat too much". Do they want me to have a Happy Thanksgiving or not?
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
My friend sent his wedding invitation from Facebook Event. I sent him a gift from Farmville.
With all the technology these days, you`d think they would come up with an Online Gym where losing weight would be a click away
If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That`s one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"
If I don’t talk to myself, who will?
"I wanna f*ck you so hard right now." "What?!?" "Damn autocorrect, I meant hey."
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
It must be very hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
I`d say go to hell, but I don`t want to see you again.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/
I like to listen to mexican radio but I dont know what they are singing or saying so I just pretend they are singing about how awesome I am.