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I`m so hungry I could Instagram a horse.
Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn`t mean I`m getting old, right? Means I`m turning into a werewolf! Right?
A word of advice, stay on my good side. My good side is in Hawaii.
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
If Monday had a face, I´d punch it.
I didn`t give you the finger...you earned it.
Life..it`s just an `F` in lie....
I will be back in 5 minutes, if I am not then please read this again! :D
The buses don`t go where you live do they.
What`s the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.