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Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
No, I didn`t say I was a taxidermist. I said, I can stuff your beaver.
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
Apparently some strangers don’t need a hug.
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
A dirty mind is f*cking beautiful!
Dreams are like pictures. I don`t care about yours unless I`m in them.
When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can`t have both.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.
Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.