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Facebook is like Chinese food. When you think you had enough, you want more.
honestly I`ve never seen a tombstone that read "died from not forwarding a text to 10 people"
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
can be sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, welcoming, loyal, trust-worthy, forgiving, understanding, and giving. But not to today!
Me: Dad, going to the 50cents concert. Dad: Here`s a dollar, take your sister with you.
There are two reasons I would never drink toilet water. Number 1 and number 2.
my entire life is a "had to be there" moment
9/10 students agree that someone got lost on the field trip
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
I`d go to church if they had Wi-Fi.
I cant wait to show everyone at work my new cough
Everyone sends text like "good morning sunshine", so I texted "good morning solar eclipse" ... Yeah, don`t do that.
You know you are getting old when a bunch of annoying teenagers get murdered in a horror movie and you relate more with the killer.
If you slept with my husband I`d be like "OMG how much do I owe you?"
Filling out a job application. Under "Military Experience" I put that I once went commando for 4 days in a row.