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Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday.
Netflix should double as a dating site and be like "here are 9 other singles in your area that watched LOST for the past 11 hours."
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
I hate it when someone starts to tell me something, then says "Never Mind".
I`m convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
Porn is the one industry where segregating races, genders, sexual preference, is completely acceptable
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
I`m going crazy! Get in, you`re riding shotgun!
Whoever said "What goes around, comes around", never passed around a bag of Doritos......................
If you`re sad/single/both on valentines day just remember you can buy 40 chicken nuggets at McDonald`s for $8.99