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Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
This status was brought to you by me being bored on the toilet.
Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
Christmas is just like any other day in the workplace, you work your butt off and the fat guy with a suit gets all the credit.
Just been informed that my spirit animal is Eeyore.
Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
Someone’s going to ruin things; it might as well be me.
I get as much action as a white crayon.
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
That akward moment you try and deep throat a banana and get caught ... and your a dude.
If you still can read this, please inform me ASAP because I have probably blocked the wrong person!
You never really know if you`re over someone until you`re in the car and they`re in the crosswalk.
I don`t care how loud I`m laughing, I`m having fun and you`re not.
The real reason I’m not a superhero…. Pockets, I need my pockets.
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone