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Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
Hockey is much better if you imagine the teams are fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
"Holy sh!t, that guy eats a lot of pizza" -people that walk by my house on recycling day.
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.
DAMN IT!!!!! I just ripped the tag off one of my Beanie Babies! Now it`s worthless!!
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I have some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 300,000 times, well then you`re probably a weatherman.