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Have you ever tried blind-folded archery? You don`t know what you`re missing.
I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
Literally saw someone get a tattoo of a camel on their toe.
I would have a girlfriend but finding someone who likes to be ignored is hard.
Do you ever start writing a status and half way through you’re just like… nah
Don`t wait until you`re on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.
Spent 40 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty
If you want to go running with me, you`d better be prepared to walk a lot.
Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.