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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality, even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and a little dog.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn`t at work anymore.
I watch CSI for the great tips they give out.
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
i know how to shutup.I just don`t know when.
I think I’m allergic to mornings.
You know you`re getting old when cops make you feel safe instead of nervous.
Couples Halloween costumes always end up looking like one person went along with it to save the relationship.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took....
The girls who don’t get a rose on The Bachelor should automatically get a cat.
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.