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I wonder what "don`t touch" is in Braille.
Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
I pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
The package says "Do not eat raw cookie dough" but all I really see is "Pillsbury hates you and doesn`t want you to be happy."
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions
If you`re having second thoughts, you`re 2 ahead of most people.
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I`m not an actor.
If Guys Wrote Valentine’s Cards: “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”
Cactuses are just heavily armed cucumbers.
If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo`s show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it`s Halloween because our family reunion was in July....
My mum`s so old fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you`re Pa`s in hospital LOL.