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What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
I don`t really understand why women are expected to be able to cook if they can give blowjobs.
This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
My wife just made a "special" dinner "just for me" for no apparent reason. I`m going to die, right ?
Those Box Tops that raise money for schools really should be on wine labels and cases of beer.
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
Behind every great women is a man checking out her a$$
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it…
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
Parenting is no different than a bear attack. Curl up and play dead and they usually leave you alone.