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Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
My train of thought likes to circle around the station a few times, take some wrong turns, and end up totally lost.
Got a cat the other day. Had to swerve to get it, but I got it!
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherf*cker a reason.
I hate it when 18 wheelers blow their horns while Im driving, that sh*t wakes me up!
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
It turns out if you cry at the DMV they`ll let you take a second photo
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn`t be allowed to talk
Roses are red, violets are blue, the boss snuck out early, so I left too.
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
We can put laser-equipped robots on Mars, but wrinkled dollar bills still don’t work in vending machines?
Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. "Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!!
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"