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I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
When you called me a b*tch, did you mean it as an insult or a compliment?
I like surprises. Not the `finger in my a$$ without permission` kind, but flowers are always nice.
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
My right thumb is in the best shape of my life.
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
Didn`t leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
I hate to be one of those who post cliffhangers but...
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
Sometimes I feel like a semicolon. I don`t know where I belong.