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I’m not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am.
Did you ever notice that the doctor’s bill is always a lot more readable than the doctor’s prescription?
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
Stop screaming, lady. All I said was `this is how pornos start`. It`s just elevator talk.
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
Why does everybody call it a "hot water heater?" It`s really a cold water heater.
What about a To-Don`t List?
is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Deep down I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
This stupid lady is taking forever using her damn coupons for her groceries. All these rolls of pennies are heavy! Hurry up!
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
Its better to have loved and lost, then stay with that psyco for one more sec
Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich
I am not lazy, I`m on power saving mode