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wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
The hardest part of the job interview is knowing the best moment to lean in for the kiss.
96% of my life is spent trying to figure out when I can get my next nap in.
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
If jail isn`t supposed to be fun, why do they get bunk beds?
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
The one who laughs last is the slowest. The one who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*
most teens are switching to twitter instead of facebook. noone wants to get on facebook and catch dad pocking mom... if you kno what I mean;)