Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I thought the movie `fast & furious` was about my sex life. I`m fast, my wife is furious.
I’m eating for two – me and that skinny girl inside my body. She likes cake, too.
Matchbooks exist just to be clues in detective movies.
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
My Wife: Why are you home so early? Me: My boss told me to go to hell
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
I dreamt I was you..I hated myself. Luckily I woke up..woah that was close.
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good.
Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can`t help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...
If you see a guy with no arms and your first thought is “My God how does he drink his beer??”, You might be an alcoholic.
Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That`ll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.