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You never know a person until you walk in their shoes... or until you check their browser history.
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.
To all my friends who post Controversial, Obscene, Dirty, Offensive, and Derogatory posts, .. Keep that sh!t up. I like it....
Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throw away ANYTHING, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord..
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
People say that 60 is the new 40. The cop who pulled me over didn`t agree.
If you use more toilet paper to wipe the tears out of your eyes then wip your bum in the morning...the food was too hot the night before
My girlfriend left me because I`m a legend ... Or to quote her, `Arrogant`.
If you`re going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty
I live in a madhouse, ruled by a tiny army, that I made myself
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.
Just once I`d like to see a stripper do the "Carlton" on stage.
Thanks, autocorrect. I`m sure she`s dying to know about my huge peninsula.