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If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
Picking and choosing who to say happy birthday to since 2006, thanks Facebook!
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
I just saw a 2 or 3yr old boy wearing a t-shirt that says, "if mom or dad wont buy it I`ll just sms grandma and grandpa"
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Kohls.
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
"You clean up nicely", is just a polite way of saying, "You usually look like sh!t."
For many people, "live and learn" is one task too many.
You lost your phone and it`s on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should`ve put a ring on it.
They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.