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I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
I`m always extra nice to the weird kid, so one day he`ll spare my life when he finally snaps.
It`s great how you have legs that can take you away from a conversation when you don`t feel like listening to people anymore
my ex-girlfriend is a famous porn star. But would she be pissed if she found out.
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
I like to walk around my house naked… Until my neighbors scream at me to go back inside
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I’ll ever get to yoga.
If you can read this please let me know - because it means I blocked the wrong person.
So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses...