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I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute.
It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
Men, if a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
It`s not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
I always honk when I drive by homeless guys sleeping, just in case they overslept for a meeting
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers
I can do 50-100 pushups depending on how many weeks you give me.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective
Remember, life isn`t about accumulating stuff. It`s about making people insanely jealous of your stuff.