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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.
Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
I used to dream about becoming an astronaut. Now I just dream that there`s still time before the alarm goes off.
I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
I grew up in a town where the population never changed… Every time a girl got pregnant, a guy left town
Dating Tip: If she hasn`t kissed you by the third date, she`s there for the food.
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
Sometimes I add things to my to-do list that I’ve already done just so I can immediately cross them off.
An apple a day will keep anyone away ... if thrown hard enough.
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don`t: technically, you did