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It took dozens and dozens of flushes and a plunger, but my guinea pig`s funeral is finally over.
The best thing about not being with you, is not being with you.
I wasn`t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
Interviewer: "What did you like best about your last job?" Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."
why were you in my dreams again? i`m starting to think you`re stalking me.
I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has left when I leave.
First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson. The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year.
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
If your girlfriends cat gets eaten by an angry pitbul terrier, gently singing "The circle of life" into her ear WILL NOT cheer her up.
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?