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I have a confession to make. I was born with a rare disease called “Amazing.”
"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
What I learned in college 1.Water bottles are a great way to hide vodka. 2. When your thirsty in the morning you will regret #1.
That awkward moment for a guy when he`s at a urinal stall and another guy takes the stall right next to him when there`s plenty of other perfectly good stalls farther away..
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
I’m a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me.
Why does whoop-ass only come in a can?
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
I usually want to post intelligent and witty comments. But I end up posting stupid and funny ones so my friends can understand them.
Some people are grateful for the impact you made in their life…. It’s not me, I think you’re a pr!ck.
If you surround your house in police tape, the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.