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How is it that when you are dead and a zombie you can rip open a man`s ribcage, but when you are alive you struggle with a bag of chips?
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
Momma left strict instructions to knock you out.
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
Sometimes, I wonder if the weather app on my phone even looks outside.
Trust me ...... I can`t believe I`m still here either.
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
Babies are so cute because none of them are mine.
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?
Never take advice from people on the Internet. Not even this.
Do you think people will start blaming auto correct for there marriages breaking down?