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Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
"Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it`s one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somebody whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.
I could really go for a beer and a million dollars.
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.
Iām sorry I offended you with my common sense.
I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.
My favorite thing to say to old people is, "When I was your age I didn`t believe in reincarnation either".
Hey Lady!, I just deposited $43 dollars in THIS bank.. DON`T FROWN AT ME WHEN I TAKE 3 SUCKERS!
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)