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Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
I broke my finger today. But on the other hand I`m fine.
The art of taking a self pic fast enough that no one sees you. The Stealthfie.
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine`s day. Just an FYI.
All i ever see on facebook is LBR, TBH, LMS, and all that other crap...
How strict is the "I licked it, it`s mine" policy? There`s some things I`ve licked that I don`t want.
Thanks to yesterday`s chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?
Send me one more game request and I`m showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister