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Have you hugged you bartender today.
It`s so hard to find obedient minions
Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?
I once peed a girl`s name in the snow, so don`t fcuking tell me I don`t know romance.
What does lolz mean...Laugh out loud zebras?
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
People who walk down the escalator. Stop it, we have enough over achievers!
I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh.
Should hallways in mental institutes be called psycho-paths?
To calculate the average number of times a guy has sex per week, multiply the number of fantasy football leagues he`s in by the number zero.
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up