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Why go out and pretend to like people when you have Netflix?
A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughter`s school concert.
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
The secret to dancing is to pretend you have a wedgie and you`re trying to get it unstuck without using your hands.
Based on how many times I`ve dropped my phone, I`m gonna hold off on the whole baby thing.
7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
Would you mind going with me to my next Psychologist appointment? He thinks I`m making you up.
The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
Coffee? I`ll have a cream soda ... One cup of coffee and I`m up all afternoon.
I don`t need WebMD to tell me what`s wrong with me, I have my mother.
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned
has a drinking problem...I can`t afford it