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I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
Yes I stalk you, but only as a friend.
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
I just ate a Cheeto that melted perfectly in my mouth! It was Awesome! ....Until I realised that was the highlight of my day.
I`m more of a "the glass is half shattered into a million tiny pieces" person.
Awkward moment when you just wanted a sugar daddy but becomes the First Lady of America!
Answering all questions with "but you ain`t got no legs Lieutenant Dan" stops people from asking you questions.
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
Wouldn`t ventriloquists be a lot cooler if they could throw their farts?