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My dad taught me righty tighty, lefty loosie.... that`s why I never dated left handed chicks.
About to try ordering subway without saying um... Wish me luck!
My hand is stuck in a Pringles can. I`ll just leave it there. I`m not hiding who I am anymore.
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always like to write: "Last warning, you have a week to get the rest of the money together."
If you think someone is staring at you: 1. Yawn 2. If they yawn, they were staring.
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!
There is a special place in Hell for people who stop at yellow lights.
I secretly like days when none of my Facebook friends have birthdays.
I say No to drugs but they... won`t listen.