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There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people......
My gift horse is facing the wrong way
Be careful, there is also plenty of mentally unstable fish in the sea.
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
They might as well put "Uhhh..." in front of every item on drive-thru menus.
I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.
I need to find a job where I am paid solely on how awesome I am.
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
If I had a penny for everytime I heard you bitch at me I`d have enough money to invest in a hitman
I wouldn`t do much for a Klondike Bar; I would however get naked for beer.
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.