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Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.
Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Ever gotten that awkward feeling? ..like the one when you realize you`re chewing on a BORROWED pencil?
I don`t speak Spanish, but I`m pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
If life was easy, we wouldn`t need alcohol.
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always like to write: "Last warning, you have a week to get the rest of the money together."
No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?
Fun Fact: Valentine`s Day was created by a woman than didn`t get what she wanted for Christmas.
I pretend my bruises are sex bruises instead of I tripped over my cat while trying a new dance move bruises.
It`s amazing the things I can remember when I don`t need to remember anything.
I thought we had something. You met my family, made me dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”