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You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
What if the weather talks about us?
I got BOMBED last night and decided to do my own taxes and guess what! I`m getting 4 million dollars back this year!
Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
I read that taking a long, hot bath can help with managing stress. Unfortunately my boss doesn`t approve.
I`m good at counting cards. I keep ending up with 52.
Today I heard a guy on the street say, `It`s chowder season, baby!` so I pushed him in front of a bus because those are awesome last words